DECEMBER 2005
A common topic we see in the news is drug use and how it affects our communities. This generates a lot of phone calls to our office requesting advice on how a parent can identify if a family member is using and/or addicted to drugs and what to do next. To identify drug use, you have to look at behaviors and then question what you see. If you have noticed significant personality and/or character changes; such as, frequent agitation, anxiousness, mood swings, drop in grades, lying, criminal behavior, questionable friends, requests for money or missing valuable items you may have a problem. If you see these behaviors, you've got to confront them. Verbalize your suspicions and ask "Why all the changes?" Don't let your family member try to deflect the topic or change the subject and don't be satisfied with answers that give you the run around. People suffering from addiction will routinely lie about their actions. As difficult as this sounds, you have to be objective not emotional when evaluating the truthfulness of their answers. If you confirm this person is using drugs or your suspicions aren't diminished, you have to first protect yourself from further harm and then get help for your loved one. Lock up your valuables and deny your child access to any monies. If they have access to bank accounts, checks or credit cards revoke that privilege immediately. After you've protected yourself, find a professional treatment provider. This can be as easy as looking in the phone book. If your family member is unemployed a treatment provider can help you apply for financial assistance. If they have insurance, check to see what treatment is covered. Make this person decide where they want to go with their life.
Standing by while a loved one goes through this often destructive process can be difficult; however, enabling them prolongs the problem and can cause strife among family members. I'm not saying we hang them out to dry, provide all the love and support you can but don't provide money, it will more than likely be spent on their substance of choice. Here are some do's and don'ts:
Do
Remember the three C's. You didn't CAUSE their addiction, you can't CONTROL their addiction and you can't CURE their addiction. Get help for yourself. There are support groups such as ALANON or CODA to help family members impacted by drug addiction. Provide love and support for your family member, but let them know you won't be manipulated.
Don't Enable them by providing money. Drop criminal charges or talk to victims to get them out of trouble. People need to be accountable for their actions and the criminal justice system can be a motivator in helping people identify the depth of their addiction. Blame yourself for their decisions. Rely on what they tell you. Changed behaviors will document progress. Dealing with any family member who uses drugs is not an easy task. We want to believe them when common sense indicates they are lying, and we tend to think emotionally when we need to be objective. All of my experience in this area isn't just limited to being a Police Officer. I have watched some distant family members struggle with this problem. One member was held accountable for their actions and to the best of our knowledge is currently not using. The other has never been confronted and since July bilked their parents for over six thousand dollars. Confronting family about an issue like this is tough; but, sometimes love is tough. For more information about family members and drug addiction you can go to the National Institute on Drugs at www.nida.nih.gov or call me at 360-336-6271
Sergeant Mike Don
Crime Prevention Division
| 
